The BirthGiver

Chapter 4: Meeting the Mother

I realize that not everyone will have a story like this.  Not everyone will be BFFs with their stepsons’ mother.  Not every Bio/Step relationship will come with super cute nicknames.  We all know mine but can you guess what hers might be? 😉

LET ME TELL YOU!… It did NOT start out that way.

Six and a half years ago, I met this woman.  I didn’t want to hate her.  I didn’t want her to hate me.  The second we laid eyes on each other, it was as if at that very moment we were hoping our eyes could shoot daggers.  Fortunately, they couldn’t.  Instincts took over and suddenly we were protecting our territories.  Kim was protecting her territory as mother and I was just trying to establish mine.  Whatever it was.  Suddenly, I felt threatened.  Here I was, towering over this person looking like The Bride of Sasquatch and she was this adorable, stylish thing standing barely over 5 feet tall.  I love her hair.  I am in love with her shoes.  Man, do I love her shoes!

For years, I continued to assert myself as “THE WIFE” and the fact that my new title had the word “mother” in it.  FYI, don’t do that.  Don’t ever do that.  I’ll tell you why in a future post so just hold onto that note.  She was still standing strong in her “she’s not his mother” debate.  She was right.  I wasn’t his mother.  I’m not his mother.  There is no way I could take her place or even want to try.  I’m his “step” mother.  I get to be his friend too.

Maybe it took me becoming a mother to open my eyes and see with my heart.  Yes, I played with him and colored with him.  I tucked him in at night but he didn’t want me when he was sick.  He didn’t want me when he was hurting.  He wanted her.  His mother.

Finally, I understood.  I got it.  There is nothing in the world that a mother wouldn’t do to protect her child.  Her son.

One day, Josh and I were waiting patiently in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn.  Waiting for Terry.  Let me just add that these two people, Josh and Kim, despised one another.  You couldn’t stand to be around them.  Every day it was a new argument and this day, shit hit the fan.  Yes, I said that.  Bad.  The fight escalated quickly to Josh demanding, “give me my son!”  “You’ll have to go through me!”  Kim yelled back.  I saw my husband take a step forward and I knew I had to make a decision.  Fast.  Do I let him go?  Do I stop them?  I turned to face Josh and calmly put my hand on his chest.  He softened instantly.  She had shut Terry in the car to conceal him from his surroundings so I got up the guts to speak.  “Can I at least tell him see ya later?”  To my shock, she said yes.  I climbed in the back seat with Terry.  I had to say something.  This constant bickering had to stop.  There had to be a way.  Talking to Kim came so easily.  We both realized that in all the years of “hating” each other, we didn’t even know each other.  The tears started to flow and it was like we had been friends for years.  I knew she just didn’t want anyone taking her place and she finally understood how much I loved her son.  Two people, too scared to give the other a chance.

That was our defining moment.

Now, we have a wonderful, yet still slightly disfunctional family.  I am 110% involved in Terry’s life from baseball games to getting to ground him!  ::clap::  YAY ME!  ::clap clap::  I know most of you, especially stepmoms, are reading this and probably thinking that I must be a mental patient.  There is absolutely no way in H.E.doublehockeysticks you could be BFFs with your “Baby Momma”.  You can’t even hear her name let alone speak to her.  Yes, you’re right.  Maybe you won’t be Best Friends Forever or even Friends For Five Minutes.  However, you CAN put your differences aside for the sake of your stepchildren and your children as well.  Are they half siblings?  All the more reason.  I have a tremendous relationship with Terrys’ half sister, Prudence.  As well as Kim with Houston.  Prudence even calls my mother, “Mawmaw”.

Are you a newly blended family or one that’s been “at it” for years?  Do you want to be “one big happy family”?  Do you want rid of the stress and anxiety that comes with being a blended family?  Sometimes it takes just ONE of you to step up.  Why can’t it be you?  I’m talking to you too, BIO MOMS!  AND DADS!  AND STEPDADS!  Don’t think you’re getting off easy!

It’s possible.  It’s all possible.  I’ll tell ya later…

Leave me a comment and tell me how you “tolerate” your Baby Momma.  If you’re friends, tell me how you got there!  I’d love to hear it!

 

 

 

This entry was posted in Our Story and tagged , , on by .

About The StepMomster

Hey y'all! Im Mindy! My husband, Josh and I have been married for nearly seven years and we have two beautiful boys, one of which is the inspiration behind the blog name. Im the StepMonster as he so lovingly refers to me. I hope I can give you some insight into a few aspects of my life. The wife, the mom, the step mom, and most of the time the helicopter over my son who was born with a rare inflammatory disease called Eosinophilic Esophagitis. Try saying it and I'll talk about it later after your head stops hurting.

15 thoughts on “The BirthGiver

  1. makingtimeforme

    I just started following both of you. I think it’s great that you are friends. I am the “baby momma”, but I am friendly with their step mother, who was also my husband’s mistress…the reason my marriage ended. We talk on the phone, we sit together at sporting events. ..etc. It’s been 5+ years and we are doing way better than anyone would have ever thought. In fact, most people still can’t believe it. Now I have 3 step children, from 2 “baby mommas” and I get along well with both of them too. It’s all about the children, supporting them and letting them know we are all here for them and love them.

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    1. The StepMomster Post author

      I know everyone’s story is different but I am so sorry that happened to you. You’re a wonderful and kind person to be able to set things aside and co parent so well. The children are what’s most important. Thank you so much for your comment.

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  2. Jamie

    I love this! I am so glad that y’all have been able to put aside your issues to make things work for y’all! It’s a huge step I know many need to follow!

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. workingmomlifeblog

    Oh how I wish this was our case. We have had so many issues with the “other Mother” that it is painful. She wants control, but not responsibility. I dream of the day she will actually respond to a text I send about her youngest son, let alone pick up a phone and call me so we can all be on the same page. Congratulations for being a strong role model for us struggling stepmoms out there.

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    1. The StepMomster Post author

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I am sorry that the mother in your situation is tough to deal with. Dont let it work you up, believe me, I know thats easier said than done. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t forget that your stepson needs you.

      Liked by 1 person

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  4. Nickole Adams

    I tried many times to just be nice…Lotta good that did, I was assaulted, my identity was stolen, and I am still the one raising the children. All of the children. I don’t hate their mother-his ex wife, but I have to do what’s best for my children and me as well.
    I don’t believe in playing pretend, so all know there is no love lost, but I refuse to have a bashing contest. She is just rarely brought up in our home.
    I guess when she’s paroled again, things may be rocky again but that’s life.

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    1. The StepMomster Post author

      Sometimes there is just nothing more you can do. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard time with her and the things that have happened but stepping up and making the children your first priority is the best thing you could do. It is best that you just avoid the topic of her. From the sounds of it, you’re a wonderful mother.

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  5. Pingback: 10 Things For The Childless StepParent |

  6. FallThenClimb

    Love love love this. So nice to know people feel things i feel. So good to hear others may understand…cant wait to read more from yoi

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