Monthly Archives: February 2016

Showing Some Love!

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Happy Valentines’ Day, Ya’ll!  I hope all of you and your loved ones are having a wonderful day.  I just wanted to take a few seconds to tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you that have visited my blog, posted comments, likes, follows, all that good stuff!  THANK YOU!  All of you through facebook, twitter, instagram, and whereever else you may be finding me, have truly been awesome.  A few weeks ago I was so nervous about starting this blog and writing down my feelings and stories that I nearly gave up before I had written the first word.  I’m so glad that I didnt.  In just a few short weeks I’ve had over 200 site visitors and nearly 500 views!  It may not seem like much, but to someone who thought she was going to be talking to the air, this is huge!  I’m very lucky to have so much support from my husband, family, and friends.  I can’t say thank you enough and I look forward to giving you more great reads in the future.

-If you’d like to stay up to date on new posts and things to come please click on your favorite social media icon and follow me!  You can also enter your email address and get updates and new posts straight to your inbox.

Again, thank you all so very much!  Keep a look out for a new post coming Monday!  I’m pretty excited about this one.

Have an awesome day, ya’ll!

lovemindy

Childhood Love

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As adults, we realize “that kinda love” doesn’t come until much later in life.  Do you ever think about your first crush?  Being 5 years old and being around that person or persons that made you giggle and feel weird?  I’m not talking about that teenage mess that makes you wanna barf or the first time you feel the real deal.  I’m talking about that sweet innocence of chasing someone on the playground; or seeing them out of school and waving at them so hard you might fling your hand off of your arm.

Well I just had to tell ya’ll about my conversation with Frank I had earlier today.

Mind you, Frank is hilarious in general.  I dont know where he gets half of the crap that comes out of his mouth but it’s always something unexpected.

With Valentines’ Day quickly approaching and all the littles are getting ready for their classroom exchanges, Frank seems to be full of excitement!  This is his first Valentines Day in preschool.  I remember how excited I was the first time I got to take special valentine notes and candy to all my friends.

Today, we decided to make our own.  We sat down and cut out 14 little hearts.  Some pink, some purple, some red.  Red… ya know… because boys can’t have pink.  So says Frank.  When time come to write each name on the hearts, Frank says “make sure SHE has the biggest.  Then HER.  Then HER.”  They’re all the same but umm, why?  “‘Cause she’s my girlfriend.”  OOOOK. Well what about the others?  He giggles and it’s all I can do to hold it together.  “Well… she’s my girlfriend cause she’s pretty but she fusses at me.” (Atleast he got that one right.)  I stay silent so he can continue.  “And SHE is pretty and nice to me and she plays with me in our centers a lot.”  Mmmhmm. Go on.  At this point I’m pretty sure I have tears in my eyes struggling to keep from laughter.  I’m trying to take him seriously here people!  Then he hits me with this, “and HER, we get in trouble.”  Welp, now I can’t hold it in anymore.  We are both cackling..

 Little does he know all I can think about is that he just described his first wife, second wife, and best friend.  (relax, I’m joking.)

 Thank you, Frank.  Thank you for helping me to remember that innocence of the little crushes and friendships I had many years ago.  You’ll always be special to those 3 little girls.

 

THINGS TO COME!

I’ve been collecting pictures and conversations between Terry and Houston.  I’m gonna go ahead and add that from here on out I will be referring to them as Murph and Frank.

The nickname Frankenstein aka Frank, was given to Houston by my brother when he was a lot smaller.  Have you ever seen Dylan and Cole Sprouse as Julian in “Big Daddy” with Adam Sandler?  If not, GO WATCH IT… LIKE… RIGHT NOW! Anyway… that’s my kid.  In a nutshell… rainboots with shorts, eating 30 packets of ketchup, and peeing wherever he is standing.  That’s my son.  That’s Frank.

Now Murph is a little different… I used to call him T-Rex but as he started growing, bless his little heart.  I hope you know what “Murphy’s Law” is.  If you don’t… I’m sorry and you fail.  Here I give you… Murph.

Here I will be posting ridiculous things these two brothers do together.  Their weird conversations and I hope to get some pretty sweet pictures of some awesome nerf wars.

I’m going to warn you now they ARE boys!  This section is gonna get weird, strange, and probably really, really gross.  So without further delay…

Murph.

MEANDT

 Frank.

FRANK

THE ADVENTURES OF FRANK & MURPH.

 

 

Two Halfs Make A Whole

Let me start by saying that in our family there is no such thing as “half”.  There are no half brothers, half sisters, half of a cake, because… well… we ate it already.

If you’ve been following along you’ll know that “The Birthgiver” and I are great friends.  Another reason that Kim and I understand each other so well is that we were pregnant together.  Imagine being out in public and you and Baby Momma both have giant bellies. *Awkward!* In 2011, Terry received the best of both worlds.  A brother and a sister, just three months apart.

“This is my brother.”  “This is my sister.”  “They’re not brother and sister.”  That is how Terry introduces his siblings.  Kid really knows how to confuse a person.

Being a blended family, in our case, doesn’t mean four parents and the child.  It means four parents and three children.  We are all one family and you’re there for your family.  Always.

Terry and his brother, Houston both have spent a lot of time in the hospital.  Terry has asthma and Houston has asthma and Eosinophilic Esophagitis. (keep trying to say that and I’ll have a post about it later.)  A huge part of our EOE support system are Kim and her husband, Justin.  They’re there for fundraising events.  They buy awareness bracelets and tshirts.  They drive miles from home to pick up Terry at the hospital ER where he’s been waiting for hours by his brothers’ side.  They do all that because they love Terry.  They do all that because they love his brother and our love for Prudence is just as much.  I have to squeeze her in my arms every time I see her.

The happiest I have ever seen Terry are the times he’s with his brother and sister.  Together.  It is important for us to keep them close.  They will be all each other have one day.  Three is way better than two.

terry and pruIf your stepchild has “half” siblings and they have no idea who each other even are, it may be time to change that.  Again, set your feelings aside and do what you can for your family.  Like it or not, you’re all a family, all connected through one little person.  Or a couple little people.  Plan a birthday party for your biochild and invite the others.  Sit together at school and sporting events.  Have a family dinner night.  If you live close enough and could handle it, heck, blend your Christmas!  Ooooo these are good ideas…Kim!!! Can we have family dinner night!?!? 🙂  I know what you’re thinking now, “look, she is giving us this crap and she doesn’t even do those things!”  EEEHHH WRONG!  We do birthday parties together.  We save bleachers for one another at the baseball field.  Guess who even goes to events at Terrys’ school?  Houston and me, that’s who!  A blended Christmas would be awesome if we didn’t live an hour apart!  Santa would be a little late.

hugh and terry.jpgSeeing the three of them laughing together and playing together.  When we pick up or drop Terry off and Prudence darts out the back door to see us or Houston is trying his best to jump out of the car, there is a strong sense of completion.  Your unit is complete.  You now know that the three of them will always have each other.  Regardless of where life takes them, Terry can call up his brother and sister and they will BOTH come running.  Probably in the same car.

Well… that’s if Terry hasn’t knocked them both out a few times by then. 😉  They’re the littles, what do you expect from Big Brother?

Movie Momsters

*All thoughts and opinions are strictly my own.*

As I’ve said before, I’m addicted to movies.  It’s a real problem.  I have been known to have full conversations speaking only in movie quotes.  Up until recently, I haven’t given much thought to how stepmothers are portrayed in films.

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theatrical poster by Reynold Brown

Watching movies growing up, all I could think was “Man, I’m glad I don’t have one of those!”  I’d hate to have to make her run away screaming like the “almost” stepmother, Vicky Robinson in The Parent Trap (1961).  Boy, that Vicky sure could make you wanna pop her in her freshly made up kisser!  “Oh yes! Don’t say anything about that dear, sweet, precious Vicky! That plus-faced child bride and her electric hips!” See I told you, movie quotes.  That Maggie tickles me.  At the end of it all, Mom and Dad get back together and they all live happily ever after.  However, if Vicky had thought less about herself and more about Susan and Sharon she could have held onto Mitch a little longer.  On a side note, how amazing is Hayley Mills?  Am I right?  “Mindy, it’s a movie.”  I know.  I know.  So many films can latch onto your heart.  Make you feel something.  That’s what it’s supposed to do.

After becoming a stepparent and watching all of these films with characters we love to hate, I couldnt help but wonder where had all the good women gone.  Is there not a woman who could come barreling in after the death of a mother and NOT try to torture that poor womans’ child(ren)?  Did everyone in Hollywood have a horrible childhood with an evil woman.  Well ya don’t have to take it out on the rest of us!  Making kids think their stepmoms will try to poison them or lock them in an attic or ship them off to boarding school.  Boarding school?  Is that a convincing threat?  I’ll keep that one in my back pocket.  😉

Don’t get me wrong.  I know that some of you might have gotten a bad seed from a rotten apple.  Let’s all be fair here, there are some bio moms that like to stir the pot.  Yeah, I know you’re thinking about her right now.  You wanna pop her in the kisser too, I get it. I really do.  Shes rude, disrespectful, and vindictive.  SM’s (stepmoms for future reference) she’s not trying to hurt you.  She’s trying to hurt him.  She wants him to be so worked up and cursing her under his breath.  She likes it.  She enjoys seeing him angry. Hurt.  She’ll manipulate his children.  They might love you but she wants them to grow to hate him.  You know a woman like that?  She sounds Evil, doesn’t she?  Maybe that’s what we should be seeing!  That’s an Oscar winner right there!  I’m going to write that…right now.  I’ll make sure Leonardo Dicaprio is cast as “Dad.”  I mean, someone give that dang man an Oscar!

SM, don’t feel like I’m here to single you out and tell you that the key to happiness is all on you.  Sometimes, Baby Momma is just an ugly witch with a giant mole on her face.  Be hopeful that she gets her happy ending because THAT my friend is when they can hit you with the plot twist.

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The BirthGiver

Chapter 4: Meeting the Mother

I realize that not everyone will have a story like this.  Not everyone will be BFFs with their stepsons’ mother.  Not every Bio/Step relationship will come with super cute nicknames.  We all know mine but can you guess what hers might be? 😉

LET ME TELL YOU!… It did NOT start out that way.

Six and a half years ago, I met this woman.  I didn’t want to hate her.  I didn’t want her to hate me.  The second we laid eyes on each other, it was as if at that very moment we were hoping our eyes could shoot daggers.  Fortunately, they couldn’t.  Instincts took over and suddenly we were protecting our territories.  Kim was protecting her territory as mother and I was just trying to establish mine.  Whatever it was.  Suddenly, I felt threatened.  Here I was, towering over this person looking like The Bride of Sasquatch and she was this adorable, stylish thing standing barely over 5 feet tall.  I love her hair.  I am in love with her shoes.  Man, do I love her shoes!

For years, I continued to assert myself as “THE WIFE” and the fact that my new title had the word “mother” in it.  FYI, don’t do that.  Don’t ever do that.  I’ll tell you why in a future post so just hold onto that note.  She was still standing strong in her “she’s not his mother” debate.  She was right.  I wasn’t his mother.  I’m not his mother.  There is no way I could take her place or even want to try.  I’m his “step” mother.  I get to be his friend too.

Maybe it took me becoming a mother to open my eyes and see with my heart.  Yes, I played with him and colored with him.  I tucked him in at night but he didn’t want me when he was sick.  He didn’t want me when he was hurting.  He wanted her.  His mother.

Finally, I understood.  I got it.  There is nothing in the world that a mother wouldn’t do to protect her child.  Her son.

One day, Josh and I were waiting patiently in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn.  Waiting for Terry.  Let me just add that these two people, Josh and Kim, despised one another.  You couldn’t stand to be around them.  Every day it was a new argument and this day, shit hit the fan.  Yes, I said that.  Bad.  The fight escalated quickly to Josh demanding, “give me my son!”  “You’ll have to go through me!”  Kim yelled back.  I saw my husband take a step forward and I knew I had to make a decision.  Fast.  Do I let him go?  Do I stop them?  I turned to face Josh and calmly put my hand on his chest.  He softened instantly.  She had shut Terry in the car to conceal him from his surroundings so I got up the guts to speak.  “Can I at least tell him see ya later?”  To my shock, she said yes.  I climbed in the back seat with Terry.  I had to say something.  This constant bickering had to stop.  There had to be a way.  Talking to Kim came so easily.  We both realized that in all the years of “hating” each other, we didn’t even know each other.  The tears started to flow and it was like we had been friends for years.  I knew she just didn’t want anyone taking her place and she finally understood how much I loved her son.  Two people, too scared to give the other a chance.

That was our defining moment.

Now, we have a wonderful, yet still slightly disfunctional family.  I am 110% involved in Terry’s life from baseball games to getting to ground him!  ::clap::  YAY ME!  ::clap clap::  I know most of you, especially stepmoms, are reading this and probably thinking that I must be a mental patient.  There is absolutely no way in H.E.doublehockeysticks you could be BFFs with your “Baby Momma”.  You can’t even hear her name let alone speak to her.  Yes, you’re right.  Maybe you won’t be Best Friends Forever or even Friends For Five Minutes.  However, you CAN put your differences aside for the sake of your stepchildren and your children as well.  Are they half siblings?  All the more reason.  I have a tremendous relationship with Terrys’ half sister, Prudence.  As well as Kim with Houston.  Prudence even calls my mother, “Mawmaw”.

Are you a newly blended family or one that’s been “at it” for years?  Do you want to be “one big happy family”?  Do you want rid of the stress and anxiety that comes with being a blended family?  Sometimes it takes just ONE of you to step up.  Why can’t it be you?  I’m talking to you too, BIO MOMS!  AND DADS!  AND STEPDADS!  Don’t think you’re getting off easy!

It’s possible.  It’s all possible.  I’ll tell ya later…

Leave me a comment and tell me how you “tolerate” your Baby Momma.  If you’re friends, tell me how you got there!  I’d love to hear it!

 

 

 

The Boy

Chapter 3: The Melting of My Heart

September 2009

I had never had to meet anyones son before.  I had never dated anyone who had the title of “Dad”.  Who was I going to be to this little person?  Needless to say, I was terrified.  Would he like me?  Would he want to be my friend?  What is this little person going to be to me?

Then there he was, cuddled up in his daddys’ arm.  He was just a few weeks shy of his second birthday.  I could tell he was as nervous as I was, even though I was doing a poor job of hiding it.  As he looked up from the crook of his fathers’ neck, we locked eyes.  I had seen those eyes before.  They were the same gorgeous blue eyes that I had been staring into for the last few weeks.  In that moment, it was love at first sight.  For me anyway.  I just had to win him over.  I had some toys just for us.  I picked a ball and we sat down on the kitchen floor.  I was trying to be as patient as I possibly could while rolling the ball.  Terry definitely wasn’t interested in playing with me as he snuggled back into the comfort of his daddys’ arms.  I continued to play ball with myself, until, he reached out his little arms and pushed the ball back.  He smiled the brightest, biggest smile that I had ever seen.  That was it.  That was all it took.  Patience, and I had a new friend for life.

For the next few weeks, we spent a lot of time together.  By October, I was his “Mimi” because for the life of him he couldn’t seem to get out “Mindy”.  He was my best friend and I told him everything.  We watched movies and painted.  We played with legos until way past bedtime.  This boy was the one who taught me that stepping on a lego is worse than stepping on a knife and a bunch of bees.  Believe me, I’ve done both.

Neither of us knew that one morning in October our lives would be entwined forever.  Josh and I had only been together a few short months so the thought of marriage was the farthest thing from my mind.  He had asked me a few times in conversation and I would just laugh it off.  It’s too soon, right?  That’s insane.  I didn’t know what he was thinking!  Then one morning, I heard little feet tiptoeing into my room.  I pretended to be asleep as he poked me.  “Mimi!” Poke.  “MIMI!!!” Poke. Poke.  I opened my eyes to a tiny box and a smile even brighter than the first time we met.  “Will You Marry Daddy?”  I sat straight up!  Terry giggled and Josh said “I’m not gonna ask you again, woman.  I didn’t think you’d say no to him.”  He was right!  There was absolutely no way I could say no.  There was nothing I wanted more than to have Josh as my husband and to be a stepmother to Terry.

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Wait?…A stepMOTHER!  Can I be someones mother?  I’m only 22.  Am I ready for this package?  Wait. Hang on.  Becoming a stepmother and a family only meant one thing.  Meeting the MOTHER.  I think I’ll just go hide under a rock now…