Author Archives: The StepMomster

About The StepMomster

Hey y'all! Im Mindy! My husband, Josh and I have been married for nearly seven years and we have two beautiful boys, one of which is the inspiration behind the blog name. Im the StepMonster as he so lovingly refers to me. I hope I can give you some insight into a few aspects of my life. The wife, the mom, the step mom, and most of the time the helicopter over my son who was born with a rare inflammatory disease called Eosinophilic Esophagitis. Try saying it and I'll talk about it later after your head stops hurting.

10 Things For The Childless StepParent

When you marry someone with a child, you are getting a packaged deal.  You are not only getting a husband or a wife, but a child.  That comes with a whole new set of rules.  A whole new set of responsibilities.  I just wanted to take the opportunity to address some of the things that kind of slapped me upside the head once I said “I Do” to someones’ dad.

 1.  First Heartbreak:  Not the kind of “puppy love” heartbreak.  The heartbreak pain caused by a Bios’ broken promise.  That first time you see that look on their face, it’ll cut you straight to your heart.  Let’s hope you never see it.

2.  First Phone Call:  *RING RING*  Guess who is calling you?  Yep, it’s that kid.  They didn’t call Mom or Dad, they called you.  They just wanted to tell you something special about their day.  Even if they don’t use the words “I love you”, they’re telling you now.

3.  First Illness/Injury:  You may be scared shitless, but there may come a time when you have to accompany them to the doctor, or Lord forbid, the ER.  Just you and them.  Stay calm.  If you can’t, don’t worry because as soon as that little one needs comfort, all bets are off and you’ll be a big puddle of calm mush.

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My mother, Murph, Frank, & me at Pirates Voyage in Myrtle Beach, SC

4.  Family:  Your parents will officially become Grandma and Grandpa.  I mean, if they are okay with being old and all.  (Sorry, Mom)

5.  Warning:  You will hear “you’re not my mom” or “you’re not my dad”  at some point.  At least once.  I’m telling you.  Even though you are totally aware of this little key factoid they will make it known to you.  It will feel like they just socked you straight in the face.  How you handle the 5 seconds following that statement is crucial.  Regardless of how you feel about the Bios, just keep your trap shut!  When Murph hit me with this, (the first and last time he said it) Kim and I were not friends.  I knew what I wanted to say.  PSH! “I’m glad, kid!”  Let’s face it, that mess stung a little.  I looked up into my rearview mirror and there was this little strawberry blonde with the cutest angry face I’d ever seen.  I just smiled and said “I know but I still love you.”  That was that.  So like your momma always said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say nothing at all.”  Wait… was that my mom or Thumpers’ mom?

thumper

Correction. It was Thumpers’ dad who told him that!

6.  Do not try to be their best buddy.  When the time comes for you to parent, and by parent, I mean discipline, you will just get laughed at.  Just trust me on that one.

7.  Do not try to assume the roll as parent to quickly.  They need to trust you before you go around trying to give ’em a time out.

8.  First “Big Success”:  You will beam with pride when they get their first hit (that wasn’t off the tee) during a baseball game.  Go ahead, be “that mom.”  You know the one I’m talking about, the crazy acting lady stomping on the bleachers.  (Again, sorry Mom)

9:  The Bios:  Never assume they are B*s and A*s.  In my case, J had a pretty good time playing Kim and I against one another.  Everything was going according to plan until I played a card he never dealt me.  You can read all about that in a previous post called The BirthGiver .  We all laugh about it now.  The ultimate plan for us to hate each other forever was an epic fail.

meandmurph

Twinning!

10.  There is a line drawn between friend and parent but you get to stand on it.

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I’ll Follow You Anywhere

Being a blended family can be hard enough as it is, but what if you’re a blended military family?  How does that work?  How do you make that work?  I’m talking to ya’ll because I have no idea.

With the possibility of Murphs’ stepdad becoming active again, I’m constantly worrying about how often I’ll actually see Murph.  Yep, Murphs’ dad and stepdad.  Both Marines. (Poor Murph).  Nothing is ever promised when you’re active duty.  I won’t be holding my breath for Murph getting to stay close to home.  Perfect world, right?usdrivein

There are so many mixed emotions with the thoughts of him being much farther than just a quick hours drive away.  Now let me say this… I would go anywhere for that kid!  If that means getting on a plane once a month or so or driving to God only knows where, I’d do it.  For Murph.  For Frank.  For myself.  *Fingers crossed* I don’t have to board an airplane though, but as I said earlier, you can’t write your military life plans in stone.

J has never been too happy with the idea but as I continue to talk about it, he seems to be warming up.  It’s hit him a little harder than the rest of us.  I’m a “go with the flow” kinda girl.  Not too much bothers me and I don’t find too many obstacles that I can’t find some way around, easily.  Not J.  It’s going to take some adjusting for ol’ dad but I’m pretty convincing at times.  😉

One decision, like this one, has an effect on all seven of us.  It sends different emotions, different fears, different hopes, to each one of us.  This one choice can make or break our entire bonded unit.  We have to all realize what is best for Murph.  What is best for the families, both separate, and together.

It comes up in conversation between Kim and I, quite often.  Like I said, I’d follow Murph anywhere.  As long as he is happy, then I’m okay.  His mother and I have both agreed to do whatever it takes to make it work.  On the plus side, I get to keep my summers with Murph!  YAY ME!

I’m aware that this isn’t helping any of you.  I’m asking ya’ll this time.  Anyone else blended into active military?  How do you manage?

 

Weekend Coffee Share-3/12

So I’ve decided to join in on the fun of the weekend coffee share!  A weekend link-up for us bloggers to tell you the boring and the maybe not so boring parts of our week and you don’t get to tell us how boring we are.  Don’t worry, you know I’ll throw some jokes in.  But seriously, head on over to Part-Time Monster and connect with us over a cuppa’ joe.

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my adorable husband bought this mug for me when I started my blog.  he’s cute right?!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that this week has been ridiculously crazy for me.  Most weeks are pretty laid back and Frank and I just go with the flow.  Not this week.  This week I was preparing for my 504 plan meeting that I had with Franks’ future guidance counselor at his “big kid school.”  I was a nervous wreck but luckily she was better than I could have imagined!  The meeting was so quick and easy.  That’s saying something coming from a mom with ADHD who spent most of her time looking at the all the pretty colors on the wall.  It’s an elementary school, gimme a break!  I’m looking forward to “big kid school” too!

Come August, I will have a Kindergartner!  I can’t believe my little boy is almost 5 years old even though he speaks like he’s 60!  I say that because my dad is approaching 60 next year and his favorite phrase is, “that’s unnecessary.”  I give you… Franks new favorite phrase.  If we are doing something he doesn’t want to do or is just moping around he says, “Momma, this is not necessary.”  He usually has a point too.  Just like his PawPaw!

Now Murph… oh my dear sweet Murph!  He has one more year before he hits double digits!  The little baby I have been with since before he could say my name right, will be 10.  Leaving second grade in a few months to enter the terrible world of standardized testing.  Again, not a good thing when you have ADHD. (Not him, me!  I still cringe when I hear the words End of Grade Testing).  *shutters*

“MOMMA!! IM HUNGRY!!”

^^There’s Frank!  I guess that means my time is up!

Have a great day, ya’ll!

How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

Does anyone else get super excited when their husbands go back to work?  After a long vacation, are you just glad to see him go?  I am not afraid to admit that I am!

As you probably know, J has been out of work for quite some time with his knee injury.  The doctor suggested he stay out until he was seen by a specialist.  He said “Injured or not, sitting around doesn’t pay the bills,” so yesterday he decided to give it a shot and get back to work.  Bless his heart.  He’s so hard headed but…

HALLELUYER!

Now don’t get me wrong.  I love that man more than anything but he sure knows how to drive a woman crazy!  Being a stay at home mom, I often find myself needing someone to talk to.  I am totally good for another 5 years!

I’m probably gonna get some crap about “there are women who go a very long time without seeing their husbands and they’d be lucky to have him home for a longer period of time.”  I most certainly would be missing him like crazy if we were in that situation.  Every family is different and every marriage doesn’t work the same way.  Be glad of that.  That would be weird.

J’s job allows him to be home with me during the colder months 3-4 days every week.  I love our time together and I do miss him when he’s back at work.  I rarely see him during the summer due to his schedule so I try to take advantage of the time we have together.

Not a month though.  Never a month ever again.

Dating: “aww. i love you. i can’t wait until we are able to spend every hour of every day together.”

Marriage: “were we high the entire time we were dating?”

This is my marriage.  All out honesty.  We are crazy about each other and we make each other crazy.  We wouldn’t have it any other way.

meandjosh

Life Brothers

Sometimes you find a friend that sticks around for 5 minutes.  Sometimes you find a friend that will tell you they have your back until you realize they’re the one that stabbed you.  Not often enough in life we find that one friend.  That one that no matter how much time or distance life has put between the two of you, they still manage to be there when you need them the most.

The words United States Marine has entirely different meaning to actual Marines.  We don’t see them like they see each other.  We don’t even understand them.  They are brothers.  Life through some pretty great things at them and then it decided to throw some pretty shitty things at them but no matter the time, place, or distance that band of brothers are there.

My husband and his best friend are those “life brothers”.  Ya know, the kind of brother that your parents didn’t give you but your life did.

A few weeks ago, my husband injured his knee.  It put him out of work and on crutches.  There wasn’t much he could do other than sit around and put a butt dent in my couch.  He sat there forEVER!  As the days went on, he got angry.  Then sad.  Then angry, again.  I was at a loss.  The longer he sits around the quicker the memories take hold of him.  The PTSD was raging a war with my love again and I couldn’t watch it anymore.  I had to do something.

I knew just what to do.  It was spare of the moment but I reached out to his friends wife and she suggested trying to convince him to take a trip to visit them.  It was definitely a doable trip, but getting the husband off the couch was going to be the hard part.

As soon as I mentioned his name, He was ready to go.  That trip was the answer to my prayers.  It was like they hadn’t gone a day without seeing one another.  It actually had been nearly four years.  My husband needed that.  He needed the friend that knew what he was going through.  The one who had been standing beside him during those shitty times.

We are back at home and it is like he’s a new man.  The battery is fully charged again.  He’s happy.  I cannot thank those two enough for inviting us into their home and being there when he was needing them.  You may not think you’ve done anything but this isn’t the first time you’ve saved him.

USMC_Veterans_Day_by_PraetoriusLexicus

“USMC Veterans Day” by PraetoriusLexicus @ DeviantArt

It’s March

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minus Queen Miranda because let’s face it… she’s perfect.

Hey ya’ll!  For the next few weeks I’m going to take a little break from the whole step mother and depressing topics.  I kinda bummed myself out a little.  I’ve got to throw some excitement in here every once in  awhile!

March is probably the best month there is!  What normal person has a favorite month?  Well everyone if they choose their birth month.  March just happens to be my birth month.  Along with my mother’s as well.  I think that’s the reason we don’t see eye to eye on most things.  Like…ever.  She’s my bestfriend though what ya gonna do?  Aside from the birthdays, there is St. Paddy’s Day.  Yes, Paddy!  Not Patty!  That ridiculous holiday where we Americans dress in green and get hammered.  Being Irish, I do not need an excuse for either of those things.  I’m kidding, I need an excuse to wear green.  It’s not my color.  The month of March is going to be much more epic in 2016.  Why?  Because…

I’m going to Disney World!

arielflounderkids

artwork by DisneyClips.com

This may not be as exciting news to the rest of you but when you are just one year shy of 30 and you haven’t met the head mouse, you’re suddenly 3 again.  This is the trip I have wanted to take since I was a little girl singing “Part of Your World” at the top of my lungs.  I finally get to check something off of my bucket list but I get to do it with my entire family!  My husband and boys, my brother, sister in law, niece, nephew, and even my parents!  Our magic bands came on Monday, ya know the little wristbands and that keep track of everything.  That’s awesome and slightly scary at the same time.  I am 100% certain I am more excited than the four kids.  It’s hard not to be when you’ve seen every Disney movie in the history of ever and finally make it to the “happiest place on earth”.

Maybe I’ll ask Lady Tremaine how she managed to get Cinderella to be her maid.  Ya know, for future [stepmother] references.

I can’t wait to tell you all about Frank and Murph’s (and my) awesome time!

What’s your favorite thing to do/eat/see at Walt Disney World?

Do You Know They Can See You?

Dealing with an addiction is hard.  I get it.  I totally get it.  It’s a struggle to make it through the day.  Do you know what I think is harder?  Loving someone with an addiction.

Now, let’s be real.  You can be addicted to anything.  Drugs, alcohol, sex… the list goes on and on.  I know when you’re getting high or drunk or whatever it is you think you need that it’s all about you.  You’re just thinking about yourself.  I just need another pill.  I just need 3 more pills.  In that split moment, you’re not thinking about anyone else but the person in the mirror.  What about everyone else?

What about them?  What about that woman or man laying next to you every night?  What about that little voice you hear every  day saying “Mommy”, “Daddy”, “Grandma”, “Grandpa”?  What about the people who have loved you from the first day you stepped into their lives?  Don’t you know they can see you??prescription-plain-300px

The pain that they are feeling is far worse than anything you’ve ever felt.  I’ve birthed a child and it doesn’t even come close to the pain of a broken heart.  Waking up every morning and your heart shattering again.  Labor pain ends.

Nothing I’m saying is going to help.  I know that.  You have to want to put others before yourself.  You have to want to start a new life.  You have to want to separate yourself from the things that have brought you down so far.  The next time you’re sitting there just thinking about yourself.  I hope you hear that little voice telling you how much they love you.

 

**I wrote this mainly for myself.  I am dealing with some things at the moment that I just felt needed to be written. But maybe you’re thinking you’re alone, you’re not.**