Tag Archives: mother

Movie Momsters

*All thoughts and opinions are strictly my own.*

As I’ve said before, I’m addicted to movies.  It’s a real problem.  I have been known to have full conversations speaking only in movie quotes.  Up until recently, I haven’t given much thought to how stepmothers are portrayed in films.

Parent_trap_(1961)

theatrical poster by Reynold Brown

Watching movies growing up, all I could think was “Man, I’m glad I don’t have one of those!”  I’d hate to have to make her run away screaming like the “almost” stepmother, Vicky Robinson in The Parent Trap (1961).  Boy, that Vicky sure could make you wanna pop her in her freshly made up kisser!  “Oh yes! Don’t say anything about that dear, sweet, precious Vicky! That plus-faced child bride and her electric hips!” See I told you, movie quotes.  That Maggie tickles me.  At the end of it all, Mom and Dad get back together and they all live happily ever after.  However, if Vicky had thought less about herself and more about Susan and Sharon she could have held onto Mitch a little longer.  On a side note, how amazing is Hayley Mills?  Am I right?  “Mindy, it’s a movie.”  I know.  I know.  So many films can latch onto your heart.  Make you feel something.  That’s what it’s supposed to do.

After becoming a stepparent and watching all of these films with characters we love to hate, I couldnt help but wonder where had all the good women gone.  Is there not a woman who could come barreling in after the death of a mother and NOT try to torture that poor womans’ child(ren)?  Did everyone in Hollywood have a horrible childhood with an evil woman.  Well ya don’t have to take it out on the rest of us!  Making kids think their stepmoms will try to poison them or lock them in an attic or ship them off to boarding school.  Boarding school?  Is that a convincing threat?  I’ll keep that one in my back pocket.  😉

Don’t get me wrong.  I know that some of you might have gotten a bad seed from a rotten apple.  Let’s all be fair here, there are some bio moms that like to stir the pot.  Yeah, I know you’re thinking about her right now.  You wanna pop her in the kisser too, I get it. I really do.  Shes rude, disrespectful, and vindictive.  SM’s (stepmoms for future reference) she’s not trying to hurt you.  She’s trying to hurt him.  She wants him to be so worked up and cursing her under his breath.  She likes it.  She enjoys seeing him angry. Hurt.  She’ll manipulate his children.  They might love you but she wants them to grow to hate him.  You know a woman like that?  She sounds Evil, doesn’t she?  Maybe that’s what we should be seeing!  That’s an Oscar winner right there!  I’m going to write that…right now.  I’ll make sure Leonardo Dicaprio is cast as “Dad.”  I mean, someone give that dang man an Oscar!

SM, don’t feel like I’m here to single you out and tell you that the key to happiness is all on you.  Sometimes, Baby Momma is just an ugly witch with a giant mole on her face.  Be hopeful that she gets her happy ending because THAT my friend is when they can hit you with the plot twist.

leo-dicaprio-oscar-soon

The BirthGiver

Chapter 4: Meeting the Mother

I realize that not everyone will have a story like this.  Not everyone will be BFFs with their stepsons’ mother.  Not every Bio/Step relationship will come with super cute nicknames.  We all know mine but can you guess what hers might be? 😉

LET ME TELL YOU!… It did NOT start out that way.

Six and a half years ago, I met this woman.  I didn’t want to hate her.  I didn’t want her to hate me.  The second we laid eyes on each other, it was as if at that very moment we were hoping our eyes could shoot daggers.  Fortunately, they couldn’t.  Instincts took over and suddenly we were protecting our territories.  Kim was protecting her territory as mother and I was just trying to establish mine.  Whatever it was.  Suddenly, I felt threatened.  Here I was, towering over this person looking like The Bride of Sasquatch and she was this adorable, stylish thing standing barely over 5 feet tall.  I love her hair.  I am in love with her shoes.  Man, do I love her shoes!

For years, I continued to assert myself as “THE WIFE” and the fact that my new title had the word “mother” in it.  FYI, don’t do that.  Don’t ever do that.  I’ll tell you why in a future post so just hold onto that note.  She was still standing strong in her “she’s not his mother” debate.  She was right.  I wasn’t his mother.  I’m not his mother.  There is no way I could take her place or even want to try.  I’m his “step” mother.  I get to be his friend too.

Maybe it took me becoming a mother to open my eyes and see with my heart.  Yes, I played with him and colored with him.  I tucked him in at night but he didn’t want me when he was sick.  He didn’t want me when he was hurting.  He wanted her.  His mother.

Finally, I understood.  I got it.  There is nothing in the world that a mother wouldn’t do to protect her child.  Her son.

One day, Josh and I were waiting patiently in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn.  Waiting for Terry.  Let me just add that these two people, Josh and Kim, despised one another.  You couldn’t stand to be around them.  Every day it was a new argument and this day, shit hit the fan.  Yes, I said that.  Bad.  The fight escalated quickly to Josh demanding, “give me my son!”  “You’ll have to go through me!”  Kim yelled back.  I saw my husband take a step forward and I knew I had to make a decision.  Fast.  Do I let him go?  Do I stop them?  I turned to face Josh and calmly put my hand on his chest.  He softened instantly.  She had shut Terry in the car to conceal him from his surroundings so I got up the guts to speak.  “Can I at least tell him see ya later?”  To my shock, she said yes.  I climbed in the back seat with Terry.  I had to say something.  This constant bickering had to stop.  There had to be a way.  Talking to Kim came so easily.  We both realized that in all the years of “hating” each other, we didn’t even know each other.  The tears started to flow and it was like we had been friends for years.  I knew she just didn’t want anyone taking her place and she finally understood how much I loved her son.  Two people, too scared to give the other a chance.

That was our defining moment.

Now, we have a wonderful, yet still slightly disfunctional family.  I am 110% involved in Terry’s life from baseball games to getting to ground him!  ::clap::  YAY ME!  ::clap clap::  I know most of you, especially stepmoms, are reading this and probably thinking that I must be a mental patient.  There is absolutely no way in H.E.doublehockeysticks you could be BFFs with your “Baby Momma”.  You can’t even hear her name let alone speak to her.  Yes, you’re right.  Maybe you won’t be Best Friends Forever or even Friends For Five Minutes.  However, you CAN put your differences aside for the sake of your stepchildren and your children as well.  Are they half siblings?  All the more reason.  I have a tremendous relationship with Terrys’ half sister, Prudence.  As well as Kim with Houston.  Prudence even calls my mother, “Mawmaw”.

Are you a newly blended family or one that’s been “at it” for years?  Do you want to be “one big happy family”?  Do you want rid of the stress and anxiety that comes with being a blended family?  Sometimes it takes just ONE of you to step up.  Why can’t it be you?  I’m talking to you too, BIO MOMS!  AND DADS!  AND STEPDADS!  Don’t think you’re getting off easy!

It’s possible.  It’s all possible.  I’ll tell ya later…

Leave me a comment and tell me how you “tolerate” your Baby Momma.  If you’re friends, tell me how you got there!  I’d love to hear it!